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CIA admit war caused by spellcheck
error
The
CIA made a startling and unprecedented apology yesterday for accidentally
providing the White House with false intelligence information
regarding the existence of weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in
Iraq. The spy agency attributed the error to a simple spelling
mistake and is now claiming that the WMD are actually in Iran,
not Iraq. |
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Progress
in Mideast as parties agree only to maim
A
breakthrough was reported in Middle East peace talks this afternoon
between the Israelis and the Palestinians when they agreed to
stop all killings and only maim each other in the future. Ariel
Sharon, the Israeli prime minister, was against the compromise
initially as he thought the vicious cycles of revenge had been
working well up until this point, but he was persuaded to change
his mind at the last minute by a tall leggy blonde.
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Government
minister resigns to spend more time with bong
Francisco Gonzales de Sol, the Spanish Minister of
Fisheries & Justice, has resigned from the cabinet to spend
more time with his bong in a move that has rocked the government.
While leaving his office today, he vehemently dismissed any rumours
of fights with fellow ministers or other conspiracy theories saying
that he simply 'wanted to put in some quality time doing something
that I have been neglecting for far too long'. War
against Syria ruled out on media grounds
The US has announced it will not seek support from
its coalition allies to invade Damascus, following advice from
CNN and Fox executives. The network chiefs are understood to have
warned Pentagon officials that the ‘significant’ lack
of statues to topple in live broadcasts is likely to detract from
any interest in a possible war.
Fourth
colour to be added to all traffic lights
The president of Namibia has ordered all traffic
lights in the country to have a fourth colour added, but he has
declined to offer any reasons for the change. He called on people
to trust him as they would a father and that all would be revealed
once all the lights had been converted to the new format. He would
not say what the colour was to be either or where it would appear
in the red-yellow-green order. Some sources have linked the decree
to his recent fascination with peyote and absinthe.
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