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Solomon Pepper- News Development Specialist
Solomon Pepper was born early on in the 20th Century as a result of his mother, a matchbox seller from Covent Garden, bumping into his father, a vaudeville actor and all-round bounder from Westminster Square. As a young man he drifted into journalism following a short career in the RAF as a camp bookmaker and test pilot.

Franklin Trimmings - Special OPs
Rhodes scholar, international playboy and dedicated thrill seeker Franklin P. Trimmings has been described by many as the Greatest Living Englishmen. Found as a baby, under a Grand Piano at the London Ritz, Trimmings was raised by waitressing staff. By the age of seven Franklin had invented the tea-bag and the the first rudimentary computer.

Max Ooberman - Self Made Man
Max began his long love-hate relationship with pens and pencils in 1935 while writing for Sex, Drugs & Opera in his hometown of Salzburg, Austria. However, his lifetime love affair with buxom blondes took an unexpected twist when World War II saw the Germans post him to Norway to report back on friendly-fire incidents arising from the fact that both sides were wearing white.

Who are we?

Described variously as “the work of deluded minds” by (The Hutton Enquiry), "Pointless" (Literary Review), “the work of sad men with little better to do” (The Guardian), “a rip off of The Onion” (Chris Fagg) Deadpan Pizza is in the business of “serious satire”.

Deadpan Pizza is updated bi-weekly, every other Sunday, give or take a day and an issue or two.


Deadpan Pizza deals with the real world, the names we use are real and many of the situations are genuine, but every word of what we print is pure fiction. Deadpan Pizza is the work of deranged minds. All opinions stated are those of the writers and any serious point made is entirely coincidental and accidental. We are not associated with any other news service or political party although we really don’t like Fox News, Ariel Sharon, blind faith or unquestioning loyalty.

Deadpan Pizza respect the copyright of all other news agencies and any infringement of copyright is unintended and easily corrected if you let us know.

Deadpan Pizza has never made a penny and is unlikely ever to do so.

Link to Deadpan Pizza

If you want to link to the Deadpan, please link to the homepage at www.deadpanpizza.com as this is the only page we guarantee. If you would like to steal anything from our site and pass it off as your own, that’s fine too, but you really should find a more interesting hobby.


Deadpan Pizza does accept submissions but refuses to pay for them or use them. If you genuinely have something you feel will fit, send it to the contact address and be very very surprised if we contact you.

All chosen submissions will be uploaded carrying the authors real name and contact address.


Deadpan Editorial – editor@deadpanpizza.com


© Deadpan Pizza Corporation, part of Kimotomi Ass Industries, a subsidiary of Friendly Collections (no sum too small)
Registered in Haiti ref 343253
Registered office: 3rd hut, Top end of the Beach