Bush & Pope united by intolerance of 'evil married queers'

After an uneasy beginning to their relationship, the Pope and George Bush have finally found an issue that they can agree on - denying 'evil' gay people the right to marry. The Pope recently denounced gay marriage as 'evil, deviant and against moral law' while President Bush has said that he will support an attempt in Congress to make marriage - and all of its inherent legal rights - available only to ‘healthy, Republican heterosexuals'.

Previously, the two world leaders had struggled to form a strong bond. The Pope was a strident critic of the US position on Iraq, using his pivotal Easter Sunday address to make it clear that neither side on the conflict could claim moral authority for the their actions, ‘It is the duty of all believers, to whichever religion they belong, to proclaim that we can never be happy pitted one against the other. The future of humanity will never able to be secured by terrorism and by the logic of war'.

Bush took little notice of the Pope’s views and is thought to have told a joint staff meeting that the swiftness of their victory in Iraq proved that God was indeed American.

The two men have now found a device upon which they can focus their blossoming friendship, however. Their mutual intolerance of the same minority group has allowed them to overlook the more difficult issues that had held them back in the past and to move forward with a new misunderstanding of each other. The men said that they felt closer than ever, even if it was only when talking on the phone.

A secure hotline between the Vatican and Whitehouse is expected to be installed in the coming weeks so that they can more easily coordinate their attack on homosexuality and discuss their other favoured subject, abortion.

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