Pope attempts to expand powers of infallibility to cover all matters

There were rumours emanating from the Vatican that Pope John Paul II has attempted to extend his powers of infallibility to cover all matters. A source and ex-lover in the Swiss Guards said that the Pope threatened to take the drastic measure when he lost his temper after missing a crucial question in a game of Trivial Pursuit with a group of bishops and nuns. Dark mutterings of reform and democracy allegedly began to sweep through the ancient institution, but they were quickly stamped-out when the Pope’s medication was increased again and the situation returned to its normal state of stagnation.