Queen in rage over 'ungrateful subjects'

The Queen was said to be apoplectic with rage at the fact that more of her subjects had not shown "the unquestioning respect and devout admiration" which she felt she deserved on the 50th anniversary of her coronation by lining the streets screaming hysterically and flowering her path with rose petals.

The Queen had reportedly been expecting at least half of the country's 60 million people to show-up outside Buckingham Palace and was devastated to find only a handful of camera-happy American and Japanese tourists waiting to greet her. In a fit of anger, her royal munificence threatened to dissolve Parliament and levy a special 'loyalty tax' on all of her subjects who had not attended the festivities.

Her advisers attempted to calm her by agreeing wholeheartedly as usual and asking if she wanted anyone shot for treason. One of her majesty's ladies in waiting then suggested that perhaps she could lock Tony Blair in the Tower of London and the mood was lightened as a wry grin momentarily flashed across the Queen's marble lips.

The matter is said to be still under discussion at the Palace and the Queen is said still to be determined to have her revenge on everyone in her realm by asking them all to leave it immediately.