Thank you so much for the letter, I read it with great interest, until
I realised that you were confusing me with one of those other top
stars who are strutting their stuff in the political arena of California.
Look, don’t get down hearted about the poor illiterate kids,
send them to a library and give them a dictionary. Within no time
they’ll know their aardvark from their zucchini. In fact if
they are really that poor, I have probably just given them the basis
for a really cool meal.
Anyway, what I suggest you do is redirect your letter to Arnold Schwarzenegger.
He is a true patriot and the greatest living American, after Henry
Kissinger (now Bob Hope’s no longer with us).
Anyway, just to cheer you up, here’s a smart picture of me looking
soulful as I think about the poor little Hispanic kids.
concorde, british airways, London
Mr Hasselhoff thanks you for your kind words and wishes you all the
best. And he sends you this photo of himself for your personal enjoyment.