Mouse holds cancer cure as Disney’s back

Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney is back from the dead in what has been called the biggest comeback since George W Bush lost the 2001 Presidential Election. The great man had been placed in a cryogenics chamber just prior to his death, aged 65, in 1966. However, following reports that a man matching his description was seen walking around the Epcot Center in Disneyworld, a spokesman for the empire confirmed that the Mouse mogul had indeed been resurrected.

Speaking from the Magic Kingdom, Herb Burger stated: ‘Yup, it’s true. Mr Disney has returned to us. To be honest we were forced into it when a cleaner accidentally pulled the plug on his cryogenics chamber whilst vacuuming the facility. As Mr Disney was heating up we decided to inject him with the cure for cancer, which we had ready and waiting behind a glass case on the wall near-by.’

Asked why the company had not released the fact that they had the cure for cancer, Mr Burger replied: ‘It would not have been appropriate. Whilst it’s true we developed the cure in the 1970s, and perfected it in the late 1980s in an attempt to bring the boss back and stop the rot of crappy movies being produced, recent successes rendered it unnecessary to go that last step. Rather we thought we’d bide our time until things fell apart again.’

Mr Burger also denied a rumour that upon awakening Walt Disney was less than pleased with the timing of his revival. It has been suggested that he almost had a coronary when he realised how many kids with incurable diseases religiously visit his theme parks.

A source close to the door of the cryogenics chamber at the resurrection, code named Lazarus, had revealed that Walt exclaimed: ‘Do you have any idea how much money we’re gonna lose now those kids won’t visit? A damn sight more than we’ll get for any ropey old cure for cancer. I swear I’ll get Jimmy Hoffa on your case. He’ll sort you out.’

Mr Disney, aged-65 plus 37, was unavailable for comment.

Factoid
Walt Disney was locked in an ice box somewhere in Florida with instructions to cancel the milk and only thaw him out when a cure for cancer, with which his decrepit body was ravaged, was found. His death coincided with that of his company’s reputation for producing wholesome family entertainment.