Future weather to create 1/3 more conversation

The Irish government held a press conference yesterday to announce that it was on track to achieve its target of creating 33% more conversation from the weather in the next 5-10 years, despite the fact that no one can recall any such goal ever being declared in the first place.

The expected increase is largely due to the effects of global warming which will cause many memorable “weather events” including severe flooding from melting ice-caps and violent storm systems “that will make you want to bend over and kiss your arse goodbye,” according to Padraic O‘Hanrahan, Minister of Meteorology & Fishing.

The government has also printed over a million fact sheets on topics such as super-tsunamis, giant killer waves that could wipe us all off the face of the planet. The fact sheets, which are intended to help people get started on new and improved conversations, are being funded by the EU’s Meteorological Propaganda Unit.

The minister added that clouds would also have more interesting shapes in the future in which to spot faces or animals.