Mascot wins marathon in world record time

Ngozi Onwekuluje, a Kenyan long-distance runner, won the Tokyo marathon this weekend in a world record time while wearing a mascot suit of a 15-foot rhinoceros called “Deadlee”. With temperatures inside the costume soaring to 120°F, Mr Onwekuluje crossed the winning line in first place shattering the existing world record in the process.

Mr Onwekuluje’s victory was rendered all the more fantastic as he had the added disadvantage of starting the race near the back of the 20,000 runners in the “Not-so-Serious” category. Speaking after the race, which also featured one man carrying a small yacht and another running in an antique iron diving suit, Mr Onwekuluje said he wore the rhino suit because he wanted a greater challenge than “your ordinary run-of-the-mill 26 mile run”.

He attributed his record victory to the increased aerodynamic efficiency of the rhino's tusk cutting through the air. However, others had lingering doubts as to the legitimacy of his stunning achievement.

One race official said that Mr Onwekuluje disappeared from camera on five different occasions and that someone in a rhino suit was seen in a taxi heading towards the finish line. The victor dismissed these remarks out-of-hand and insisted it must have been someone else in a 15-foot rhino mascot suit in that taxi, probably just out doing their shopping.

Despite his pleas of innocence, an investigation has been launched into Mr Onwekuluje’s alleged feat. The organisers' investigation team has already discovered that Mr Onwekuluje’s nominated charity for the fund-raising marathon was an organisation dedicated to wiping all traces of the great rhinos from the face of the planet on the basis that they are all “blood-thirsty killing machines bent on the annihilation of the human race.”