Vatican halts float plans following massive stock losses

The Vatican admitted on Wednesday that investigations into its accounting practices and marketing could hold up its plans to spin-off its Australian division.

Archbishop Miguel Andares Guadaro, the Vatican’s chief financial officer, said the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) may delay approval of the IPO until it has completed its review of possible accounting irregularities at the organisation.

The flotation of the Australian Catholic church, which is now unlikely to happen before Christmas, is an important part of efforts by the Vatican to restructure after heavy losses on the stock market and a strong performance from the Muslim world.

Over a millennia of unorthodox book-keeping practices as well as the Vatican’s traditional reluctance to tell anyone where all the money goes are both factors that are expected to delay the flotation.

Chief SEC officer Jason Killpenny also noted that the Catholic church was already under investigation after claims that it has used false advertising with menaces to gain market share in Africa. “Unsubstantiated claims about the afterlife and threats of eternal damnation have seen a massive spike in membership of the Catholic faith. Until this report is complete and we see transparency in the Vatican’s book-keeping, it is unlikely that we will approve the flotation plans.”

The Catholic church is believed to have increased African revenues by a factor of ten over the last five years through aggressive marketing techniques, which led to a number of smaller religions and cults filing complaints with the SEC, prompting the investigation.

Archbishop Miguel Andares Guadaro, refused to comment directly on the SEC investigations but did say that the Vatican was committed to its current plans to increase global market share.