Unreal IRA plot foiled by booze and blarny

British Secret Services have foiled a plot by the Unreal IRA, a little-known splinter of a splinter group of the Provisional IRA, to incite a worldwide revolution that would result in a second Irish Republic, an Irish Empire lasting at least one thousand years.

The plan allegedly called for the American diaspora of 40m Irishmen to form the backbone of the Revolutionary Battalions, and then to unite with all other ex-pat Irishmen around the globe to topple the new world order and seize control. However, the plotters made one costly mistake by attempting to start the revolution from the various Irish pubs in cities across the world. Would-be revolutionaries quickly became bogged down in beer and started fighting each other over a remark about someone’s mother.