Saddam Speaks

This is a translated transcript of the latest tape recording purportedly by former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, in which he mourns the death of his two sons, Qusay and Uday and generally complains about not being in charge any more.

In the name of God most gracious, most merciful.

Among the believers are men who have been true to their covenant with God. Of them, some have fulfilled their obligations, and some of them are still waiting, some are just hanging about smoking fags but they have never changed in the least.

Brothers and sons, I mourn to you, and I convey to you the glad tidings. This is the wish of every believer who is honest for the sake of God - that the souls of another group of martyrs have ascended to their creator. We vow to pursue the sons and daughters of the great liars and make them really nervous.

Those mourned are now green birds in the heavens and in the hospitality of the merciful God, where there is paradise, which accommodates the honest, the martyrs, and those with whom God has been pleased. Thus, he satisfied them. They are well dresses, well fed, getting loads and generally having a right laugh.

It is through God, we see our redemption remade and fortified. I cannot get a decent cup of tea and there is not enough toadying to Allah and all his greatness. The toilet paper is as rough as Allah’s vengeance.

Just like all the righteous martyrs who sacrificed their lives while engaging in jihad to uphold the cause of God, demonstrating honesty and faith, has been shown as truehearted, honest, and loyal to the promises and pledges they undertook upon themselves – we promise to preserver through this drought and scraping for the love of mercy and justice of man.