Man jailed for exceeding limits on justifiable paranoia

Sgt Barbara Thrickshaw of the Glasgow police was forced to invoke an ancient 13th century law yesterday to arrest Alan Grewcock for exceeding the limits on justifiable paranoia. The officer’s suspicions were first aroused when a car screeched to a halt in front of her patrol car and a man emerged waving his arms wildly and declaring loudly several times: “There are no drugs or guns in the car.”

When Sgt Thrickshaw attempted to calm the man, she was accused of being part of a CIA-NSA global conspiracy plot to make his life “a miserable waking nightmare of sheer and utter despondency.” When she denied this, Mr Grewcock then became convinced that she must have been an alien who had come to abduct him and use him for her own sexual gratification.

According to a police spokesman, it was at this point that Sgt Thrickshaw decided she was not spending another afternoon arguing with some raving lunatic and she recalled the little-used law. What she did not remember was its repeal in the late 20th century, but neither did the jailers. As a result, Mr Grewcock was locked in a small padded windowless cell for a few nights to calm his paranoid delusions before being allowed to return to his position as a high court judge.