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Volume:1 Issue: 10 August 2003

North Korea demands Norway & Chad be added to 6-way negotiations

Kim 'Ill' Jong, supreme leader of the Democratic Republic of North Korea, has announced that he will refuse to begin six-way negotiations on nuclear weapons unless Norway and Chad are added to the talks. Western leaders were quick to dismiss the statement as another delaying tactic following months of startling revelations and fierce diplomatic exchanges.

Negotiations between the two Koreas, the US, China, Japan and Russia had been scheduled to start at the end of August, but they may now have to be put back. It would appear that for the moment the wildly eccentric leader of the bankrupt state on the verge of collapse has some of the most powerful leaders in a difficult spot. Several of these nations are already busy conducting wars and may not have the capacity to find time in their schedules for another one. There is also the fact that, according to our source in the Pentagon cafeteria, one million South Koreans and up to 437 Americans would most likely die in the first month of any conflict.

Despite the huge potential for catastrophe, President Kim was said to be adamant that he would not commence talks unless a Norwegian representative was present as he 'wouldn't trust the integrity of the process unless there was at least one Scandinavian involved'. He said his preference was for a leggy blonde scientist with large mammary glands if there was one available and has requested several DVDs featuring Viking vixens presenting their assets for review purposes.

Additionally, the Supreme Leader has been playing host to a delegation from the small central African nation of Chad, who have been in Pyongyang negotiating a weapons deal. Making what is seen in North Korea as a typically generous gesture, President Kim felt it would be rude of him not to invite them to join him. He has reportedly formed quite a bond with some of the Chad delegation while watching old Gary Cooper westerns in his private theatre and, simultaneously, engaging in wild orgies with prostitutes.

North Korea also announced that they would be building three new 'hydro-neutron proton bombs', but the spokesman gave no further details.


By Max Ooberman

korea, north korea, nuclear, norway, weapons of mass destruction


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