Religious leaders to continue belief in God

Religious leaders from numerous creeds around the globe have united on an unprecedented scale to condemn God. The Deity is understood to have roused the ire of Jews, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists and other leading religions after admitting that he doesn’t exist. Commenting from His celestial palace God admitted that He created Himself and religion ‘on a whim, being bored’.

Speaking in a loud booming voice, which could be heard all around the world, God said: ‘It took me about a week to create the Earth, the universe, people, beasts and plants. I thought it would take longer and, as eternity’s a long time to spend doing nothing, I came up with religion. I didn’t think it would catch on, the fact that it is such a success may be great, but it’s time people knew the truth.’

God explained that He intends to cease existing and, being omnipotent, that means He would never have existed. Shares in religious idols, garb and other paraphernalia have tumbled since the announcement. The bottom is also believed to have fallen out of Gideon’s Bibles.