Murdoch's fury at educated Fox

The FOX Network has denied a rift with boss Rupert Murdoch over its decision to teach its broadcasters to read and write. Fox instigated the plan as part of a nationwide initiative to encourage Americans to take education sersiously. However, a sourceat FOX headquarters in New York revealed that media mogul Rupert Murdoch is furious at the plan.

The source explaines: "Murdoch is worried sick that the scheme might upset President Bush. After all, if more people are taught to read and write, it's only a matter of time before people start to look at the President's academic skills more closely."

Mr Murdoch's concerns are not justified according to White House spokesman Eli Werner: "I read the story to the President this morning and he though it sounded a great scheme. He's always said that you don't have the be literate to run the country, but since being sworn in he feels that being able to read and write mightn't be a bad idea."

Fox News failed to report on the scheme on Fox & Friends this morning, as show hosts Seve Doocy, E.D. Hill and Brian Kilmeade are yet to master the alphabet and could not read the autocue, so instead relied on the usual mix of right wing bigotry and opinion.

Asked to comment on the disclosure, Sir Paul McCartney said: “Well, there are clues in our work, like the fact that there are only four Beatles on most of the album covers, and only four names credited as being Beatles. Also, during the concerts only the four of us performed.”

Alvin Mears, a Beatles ‘expert’, dismissed both former Beatles’ claims as “rubbish”. He told reporters: 'What do they know? One of them has been dead since the mid-1960s and the other was a drummer. Everyone knows there were five Beatles. Just like everyone knows Elvis is still alive. I know this for a fact because Jim Morrison told me he saw the King last week in the Bermuda Triangle.'