Being fat in public to be banned in California

Voters in Los Angeles will be going to the polls next week to vote on a referendum banning fat people from being seen anywhere in public. The move comes hot on the heels of successful campaigns to outlaw smoking in all areas, even the subconscious.

As one local representative explained: 'In our experience, we find that having fat people wandering freely all over the place tends to de-beautify an area and drive away tourists and business. It can also offend the civic vanity of some of our more distinguished, rich and high-minded citizens, so we think it would just be better for all concerned if they'd just stay indoors.'

The measure proposes setting-up a special Meals-on-Wheels service to cater to the needs of all fat people in their homes. They would be fed strictly measured amounts of food until they were thin enough to be deemed fit to appear in public by a special committee. The committee would consist of out-of-work actors and fashion magazine writers, who will determine the criteria for who may or may not go outside.

Toby Warinski, the leader of the local Republican Party, said: 'It's just plain unhealthy...unhealthy for them and for us and our children having to look at them, so of course it should be banned. Most things should be.'