‘Road Map’ leads nowhere

Sources close to the White House have admitted that the Israel–Palestine road map, the American-written and Israeli-approved proposed peace plan, is full of cul-de-sacs. Speaking from an underground car park near to Capitol Hill the source, known as Shallow Goober, told an undercover Deadpan reporter that the road map contains a number of ‘Give Way’ and ‘Free Parking’ signs on the West Bank, while Israeli held districts contain placards stating ‘No Access’ in Arabic.

Asked to comment on the alleged details of the Road Map, a US government spokesman said: “This is not a pro-Israeli, anti-Palestinian document, and we resent the charge that it is full of cul-de-sacs, the French have nothing to do with this. Can’t you say dead-ends instead?”

News of the Road Map was welcomed in Tel Aviv, where Ariel Sharon was visiting his latest nuclear bunker. President Sharon told reporters: “I have no problem with any Road Map. Roads have proved invaluable when it has been necessary to invade Palestine in order to establish Israeli order. The Road Map will symbolise a dead end only for those who, through their acts of terror, seek to defy our will.”

Responding to President Sharon’s statement, Kuzzar El Sammod, Al-Aqsa Martyr's Brigade commander told an armoured bus-full of reporters: "Well, so what? We’re going to blow ourselves up no matter what happens anyway."