Murder suspect believes he’s on Candid Camera TV show
A Spanish
backpacker arrested in Uzbekistan on suspicion of murder has
refused all help from a lawyer or from his embassy in the mistaken
belief that he is on a reality-TV candid camera show and will
be released soon.
Despite the fact that he has been languishing in a damp windowless
cell for over six weeks now, Miguel Franco Pendejo continues
to laugh hysterically during interrogations and to look everywhere
for hidden cameras, not letting the constant beatings break
his high spirits.
Authorities say they are at a loss to explain why the suspect
believes himself to be on TV, but they expect that news of his
imminent execution may shock him back into some sort of sanity.
They allege that Señor Pendejo had become mixed-up in
a drug deal gone wrong, but they are also still investigating
the possibility that he was a sex tourist seeking the charms
of a sturdy Uzbek peasant woman to take back home with him.
Back in Bilbao, Sr Pendejo’s family have strongly refuted
the suggestion that he was a sex tourist, but did admit that
he had a penchant for mind-bending drugs that he may (or may
not) have consumed in mass quantities in Thailand before travelling
to Uzbekistan. The family are too poor to fly out, but the grandmother
had just sent a package the day before containing a freshly
cooked paella, bunches of bananas and grapes, two pairs of socks,
a dozen eggs and three hardcore porn magazines.
A Spanish TV station has picked up on the wave of interest in
the backpacker’s fate and is rumoured to be in negotiations
with authorities to put cameras in Sr Pendejo’s cell and
to film his execution live on satellite. The station issued
the obligatory denial as they say the bribes have not yet cleared
and the deal has not yet been signed.
At last report, Sr Pendejo was said to be calm and still waiting
naively in the hope that there would be some sort of trial where
he could dazzle the audiences back home with the eloquence of
his defence. He is sadly mistaken as there is no Uzbek word
for “trial” and the concept is still unknown in
most parts.