Saddam vows to kill Bush's daughters personally

Following the recent killings of his two sons, Saddam Hussein has allegedly vowed to avenge his family's honour by personally hunting down and killing George Bush's twin daughters with his bare hands. The former Iraqi leader issued the threats in an audio tape believed to have been released just hours ago.

On the tape, a voice purported to be that of Saddam Hussein is heard to urge local mullahs to issue fatwas against Bush's daughters, Jenna and Barbara, calling on all loyal Muslims to shoot them down or hack them to pieces given half a chance. He also matched the US's offer on his son's heads by offering a $15 million reward for information leading to the death of either woman. A pack of playing cards bearing the faces of 56 top US officials with the Bush family as the aces and their dog as the eight of diamonds has also been circulating in Iraqi markets in recent days.

Saddam was last seen leaving his hideaway in Cuba near Guantanamo Bay and heading in the direction of the US in a rubber dinghy. His first target may be Yale University, where the twins have been studying drinking games and where security has been noticeably tightened in the past 24-hours, indicating that the CIA may have figured out something in advance of the press for once.

Saddam is understandably devastated by what he sees as the murder of his two children. On the tape, he asks: 'How could anyone slaughter such innocent young lambs? What had they ever done to George Bush? Qusay would have made a great leader in my mould one day and I'm sure that eventually Uday would have stopped dropping people into acid baths and brutally raping hundreds of women. He would have settled down to run his personal zoo and enjoy his Cuban cigars. Maybe he would have grown up to marry again - perhaps even one of the Bush daughters whose pictures he kept on the wall beside his collection of naked women in his personal gym. But someone must pay for this vile evil deed, so now those same Bush daughters who he so admired must die!'

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