Axis of Evil in negotiations to become Trapezoid of Terror
In a startling
new development in the latest unwinnable war, the Axis of Evil
was rumoured to be in negotiations with an unknown fourth party
to become the Trapezoid of Terror. Secret agents from the CIA,
MI6 and Mossad are said to be scouring the planet to uncover
the venue for the meetings and, more importantly, the identity
of the potential new member of the sinister alliance.
The US has also deployed forces to everywhere in the world as
a precautionary measure. According to our often reliable sources,
members of the US’s elite Delta Force have been dispatched
to a small village in Patagonia, a remote island in the Bering
Straits, the deepest jungles in the Congo, a cave-complex in
Tibet and a lap-dancing club in New York to follow-up on tip-offs
from pranksters.
The reaction in the US has been frenzied with the deployment
of policemen to the corner of every block and the random imprisonment
of a few hundred men of Arabic descent. Congress also quietly
amended the Bill of Rights to remove a few “difficult”
phrases, but declined to disclose exactly which ones due to
security concerns.
President Bush said: “We may not know who they are, where
they are or exactly when they are meeting, but that does not
alter the fact that we want them dead or alive ‘cos they’re
evil people. We can’t just stand back and watch this unholy
axis turn into a trapellezoid…a trappist-void…a
trapeze-droid…a terror square. We gotta do somethin’
‘bout this folks!”
There is also anger over this last-minute re-branding of the
Axis of Evil amongst stadium vendors and sports shop owners
as thousands of T-shirts and baseball caps will now have to
be scrapped. There are reports that three major Hollywood sequels
(that the world really needed to see at this time) have had
to re-write scripts and re-film scenes, one an elaborate dance
routine with the three leaders of the present axis.
Meanwhile, in the realm of Her Majesty…
In the UK Tony Blair cast aside “irrelevant and petty”
concerns about the will of the people when he said: “We
think the prudent path to follow in these difficult times is
the one we have often trod in the past – in the last 36
crises in fact – and one that has guided us to the freedom
and prosperity that we enjoy in our democracy today…and
that path is whichever one the US chooses first.”
Local bookies have reported heavy betting on front-runners Libya,
Syria, Al-queda, Cuba and Columbia, but a dark horse was beginning
to emerge in the shape of Iceland, which the sinister axis would
like for use as the Arctic training-base that they currently
lack.
There was also talk of Pakistan trying to enter the negotiations
in order to pre-empt any similar move by India. However, this
is unlikely to happen as it would result in an awkward pentagon
of wicked powers, whose irony would not be lost on even the
dimmest of Pakistani shepherds. The French have been hard at
work drafting terms of surrender.