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Volume:1 Issue: 2 Apr 2003
reality not real I will polute your dreams


Axis of Evil in negotiations to become Trapezoid of Terror

In a startling new development in the latest unwinnable war, the Axis of Evil was rumoured to be in negotiations with an unknown fourth party to become the Trapezoid of Terror. Secret agents from the CIA, MI6 and Mossad are said to be scouring the planet to uncover the venue for the meetings and, more importantly, the identity of the potential new member of the sinister alliance.


The US has also deployed forces to everywhere in the world as a precautionary measure. According to our often reliable sources, members of the US’s elite Delta Force have been dispatched to a small village in Patagonia, a remote island in the Bering Straits, the deepest jungles in the Congo, a cave-complex in Tibet and a lap-dancing club in New York to follow-up on tip-offs from pranksters.


The reaction in the US has been frenzied with the deployment of policemen to the corner of every block and the random imprisonment of a few hundred men of Arabic descent. Congress also quietly amended the Bill of Rights to remove a few “difficult” phrases, but declined to disclose exactly which ones due to security concerns.


President Bush said: “We may not know who they are, where they are or exactly when they are meeting, but that does not alter the fact that we want them dead or alive ‘cos they’re evil people. We can’t just stand back and watch this unholy axis turn into a trapellezoid…a trappist-void…a trapeze-droid…a terror square. We gotta do somethin’ ‘bout this folks!”


There is also anger over this last-minute re-branding of the Axis of Evil amongst stadium vendors and sports shop owners as thousands of T-shirts and baseball caps will now have to be scrapped. There are reports that three major Hollywood sequels (that the world really needed to see at this time) have had to re-write scripts and re-film scenes, one an elaborate dance routine with the three leaders of the present axis.


Meanwhile, in the realm of Her Majesty…
In the UK Tony Blair cast aside “irrelevant and petty” concerns about the will of the people when he said: “We think the prudent path to follow in these difficult times is the one we have often trod in the past – in the last 36 crises in fact – and one that has guided us to the freedom and prosperity that we enjoy in our democracy today…and that path is whichever one the US chooses first.”


Local bookies have reported heavy betting on front-runners Libya, Syria, Al-queda, Cuba and Columbia, but a dark horse was beginning to emerge in the shape of Iceland, which the sinister axis would like for use as the Arctic training-base that they currently lack.


There was also talk of Pakistan trying to enter the negotiations in order to pre-empt any similar move by India. However, this is unlikely to happen as it would result in an awkward pentagon of wicked powers, whose irony would not be lost on even the dimmest of Pakistani shepherds. The French have been hard at work drafting terms of surrender.

By Max Ooberman

 

 

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